After just a couple years, our homeschool was struggling. My 6yo daughter, who had started out so eager, was starting to hate math and writing. Our relationship was suffering, too, from negative interactions around school work. Here's how I found a better path forward that has now worked great for over 10+ years of homeschooling.
When I first started homeschooling my daughter Alina in 2011, I was very excited about all the things we would accomplish. I read The Well-Trained Mind and was enthusiastic to get into the rigorous, classical method of schooling. I relished planning our curriculum and was sure that I was going to give Alina the best education she could get.
And yes, my daughter was only 4 years old. But I knew through the homeschooling we had done throughout her preschool years that Alina was ready to learn, loved learning, and loved doing worksheets. So we dug right in and started rigorous classical schooling.
Fast forward awhile... Our rigorous classical schooling seemed to be working well. Alina was reading 7th grade level books on her own at the age of 6 years old. Increasingly, I had to cajole her to do her math lessons, so I started incorporating more math games rather than worksheets. Alina was becoming increasingly resistant to writing, despite the fact that she had loved practicing writing back before we'd officially started homeschooling.
But wasn't the purpose of schooling to have my daughter master her academics as young as possible?
Our Enthusiasm Was Dropping
Even though I gave Alina lots of breaks and even though we were always done with school by lunch time, Alina's enthusiasm for school was waning by age 6. I was having less enjoyment with our homeschooling, since it was taking more and more creativity to get Alina to do her schoolwork without a struggle. I trolled the internet for new worksheets, since Alina was no longer interested in the plethora of workbooks we already had.
A Red Flag
Then out of the blue, my kids' tricycle and scooter were stolen. As my kids struggled to understand the world that now seemed fearsome, they wanted to talk over and over again about what punishment the thieves would have for their misdeeds. Alina thought a just punishment would be for the thieves to have to do extra school work. A big red flag was waving at me.
My 6-year-old was now likening school work to punishment! My daughter, who had started out loving to learn and loving school, was being pushed to do math and writing. And she no longer liked school or math or writing.
A Seed Is Planted
Shortly before my kids' bikes were stolen, I was reading A Thomas Jefferson Education. This book describes the conveyer belt approach to schooling (which is the model used by the public school system and that which I was basing my own homeschool upon) as compared to leadership education.
Conveyor belt schooling seeks to teach children what to think, whereas leadership education seeks to teach kids how to think. A conveyor belt education wants to check off the boxes so that every child is taught the same things, whereas leadership education wants to help each child find their own unique mission.
Lessons From My Own Education
As I contemplated all of this, I thought about my own schooling. I attended public school, then moved on to college, where I changed my major several times and finally settled on mechanical engineering. I became an aerospace engineer working for NASA for ten years. By most standards, my schooling was a success and I had accomplished what I should.
But while I was working as an engineer, I knew that something was missing. I had chosen to be an engineer because I was good at math and so that I could get a "good" job. Once I had the "good" job, I was able to do it well and there were many aspects of the job that I enjoyed, yet I still found that the day-to-day grind of going to work was tiresome.
I became a stay-at-home mother shortly before the birth of my son in 2010. At the time, I didn't have any further career aspirations; I just wanted to be able to raise and homeschool my kids. I had known for quite a long time that I had no true passion for being an engineer, no matter how well I could do it or how illustrious were the projects I worked on. I had no idea of what was about to happen in my own life.
Then, while looking for solutions to my daughter's health issues, I found homeopathy. I was instantly hooked. I started devouring books on homeopathy, wanting to learn as much as I could. I didn't start learning about homeopathy with any intention of becoming a homeopath or finding a new career. I was just compelled to learn more and know more. It was as if homeopathy chose me, because it was like I didn't have a choice. It felt like I was made to be a homeopath.
I now know what it feels like to find my own personal mission, and it is so different than going to school and picking a major to get a "good" job. My passion for homeopathy has been so far above anything I ever felt for engineering; they're not even in the same ballpark.
I voraciously learned more about homeopathy every day for years, not because a teacher had assigned it to me, but because I wanted to and chose to. And even though becoming a homeopath required a lot of juggling with homeschooling, keeping house, and raising my kids, it all felt right. I no longer had that sense that I was spinning my wheels as I did when I was working as an engineer. Instead, I knew with full certainty that this was what I was supposed to be doing.
What Do I Really Want for My Kids?
While I was reading A Thomas Jefferson Education, I was seeing it's message right before my eyes. My daughter was liking school less and less, and the more I pushed her to do school, the worse it became. Meanwhile, my passion for homeopathy was ignited and burning with a bright flame. The contrast between my educational experience and that of my daughter was stark.
I finally realized that our rigorous classical approach to homeschool was not working because I had misunderstood the whole purpose of education. The purpose of education was not to cram as much information as possible into my daughter's brain.
The purpose of education was for my daughter to fall in love with learning so that she would want to learn on her own. And the same for my son once he was old enough for schooling. In the end, I want my children to find their own passions, their own missions in life, and then enthusiastically work to fulfill those missions because they want to, not because they are being forced.
A New Approach
Shortly after I read A Thomas Jefferson Education (TJED), I decided to take a leap off the schooling conveyor belt. I decided to stop pushing my daughter to do academics, and instead adopt the TJED approach. (And thank goodness this happened before my son was old enough for school, as his stubborn personality never would have worked with my pushing methods.)
TJED is kind of like a mix between classically-based schooling, unschooling, and Charlotte Mason. It is more structured than unschooling, but much less rigorous than Well-Trained Mind in the elementary years, especially. TJED focuses on creating an environment where children are inspired to learn. Rather than forcing children to fulfill our own agendas for their learning, TJED allows children to develop their own interests and then pursue them passionately.
There is also a huge focus in TJED on the parents focusing on their own educations. This serves as a great example for the kids to want to further their own educations. This really works. The more the kids have seen me reading, studying, and writing, the more they naturally wanted to do those things themselves, without any of the pressure that I was putting on them before. My kids have learned tremendously about their own interests on their own initiative, and I have been able to take my own learning to a much deeper level rather than focusing so much on their curriculum.
With TJED, the aim is for kids to fall in love with learning so they can be self-directed learners by the time they reach their teen years. My kids are now 14 and 17 years old, and TJED has worked great for us over the last 10+ years. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Want to read more about our journey with TJED (Leadership Education)?
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What approach do you use for schooling?
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The story you tell about your educational and teaching experiences reminds me of this book:
Summerhill: A Radical Approach to Child Rearing by A.S. Neill
Summerhill was a school where children were not forced to attend class. But once they got interested on their own, that is when real learning took place.